The Secret to Homeschool Socialization
Summary:
Are you curious about how homeschoolers handle the infamous topic of socialization? Well, look no further because in this episode of Show Me Homeschool, hosts Joe and Erin dive deep into the socialization concerns that surround homeschooling. They debunk common myths and explain why learning social skills from parents and adults is actually more beneficial than relying solely on peer interactions.
With their trademark conversational style, Joe and Erin discuss the importance of creating connections and authentic relationships within the homeschool community, and how these connections can contribute to a healthy homeschool environment. If you're a homeschool parent in need of support and encouragement, this episode will provide valuable insights and practical tips for navigating the world of home education. Tune in and join the conversation on homeschool socialization!
Links and Resources:
Erin and Joe will be teaching the Education 2 track, "Homeschooling 101" (all things homeschooling!) at the Networkers TEC (Teach, Equip, Connect) ministry training conference called "Help for the Local Church - Rescuing the Next Generation," on Saturday, October 28th, 2023 at the First Baptist Church of Belton, Missouri. For more information and to register, visit www.networkerstec.com
Connect with Erin and Joe at Show Me Homeschool:
Show Me Homeschool Website
On Instagram, @show.me.homeschool
On Pinterest, @showmehomeschool
Be sure to leave a rating and review, and subscribe so you never miss an episode! For questions or comments email us: info@showmehomeschool.com
Transcript:
Erin [00:00:01]:
Hello. Today, we are going to touch base on a topic that is controversial and constantly on the lips of people that hear that you're homeschooling, we are talking about socialization. The scary word, socialization. I'm Erin.
Joe [00:00:22]:
And I'm Joe.
Erin [00:00:23]:
We're the hosts of the Show Me Homeschool podcast where we guide parents through the wilderness of home education. Each weekly episode will focus on supporting and encouraging homeschool moms and dads through conversational interviews with like minded Christian leaders in the homeschool community.
Joe [00:00:40]:
In our experience, we've seen the lack of resources and port available for homeschool dads. So we want to address that by covering relevant topics concerning husbands and fathers as they lead their families through this lifestyle of home
Erin [00:00:53]:
patient. We understand the need for creating connections and building authentic relationships to sustain a healthy homeschool environment for yourself and your children.
Joe [00:01:02]:
Our goal is not to show you how to replicate our homeschool, but to show you how you can create a home learning lifestyle that is sustainable for your family.
Erin [00:01:10]:
Show me homeschool is here to come alongside you. So let's just look at what the definition of socialization is. There are a couple different things. So the act of socializing or the state of being socialized, the act of placing or establishing something on a socialistic basis, the process of learning one's culture and how to live within it, the act of interacting with others is being social. So whether you are just starting out this school year as just another homeschool year, or maybe this is your 1st year of homeschooling. And that question has come up with people who are leery of the choice that you're making for your family. Let's talk about it.
Joe [00:01:55]:
That comes up a lot. Mhmm. Almost anytime that we've talked To people that are, especially unfamiliar with homeschool, it's one of those questions. Anyone that's homeschooled for any amount of time or looked into it, that is One of the top questions, concerns that everyone has, so we wanted to address it.
Erin [00:02:13]:
Right. And I think a lot of times, it's not coming from a place of asking and maybe in an in a way that's negative, but more as truly a concern, you know, people that aren't familiar with home education, have very little experience. Their view of homeschooling, like, I mean, that would be the shift that I would take instead of focusing on what they're asking as far as socialization is. It's really their concern with homeschooling that's the problem. They think that, you know, it's the 1980s or it's illegal and you have to hide out in your basement and your kids aren't getting interaction with any, any other person. And that's really first off, a, a myth to be busted is that homeschooling does not look like that for anyone that I know that's homeschooling
Joe [00:02:58]:
today. That's what I was gonna ask was why do people Have this concern. Why do people bring this up? Let's talk about that first before we launch into maybe what socialization is really
Erin [00:03:12]:
about. Well, I think that it goes back to people think, or some people think that homeschooling is just pure cultish indoctrination of some extremist, you know, weird, cultish type thing that you're doing with just your family or maybe a group of people. And it's, it seems very
Joe [00:03:34]:
weird. Super isolating?
Erin [00:03:36]:
Yeah. Isolating. That's maybe the word that I was looking for. So I don't know anybody that homeschools in a bubble these days. I, no, there's so many co ops and online learning things that you can connect even through internet. There's really no reason for you to just be doing school at home unless to absolutely want to, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Joe [00:03:56]:
Right. Tons of co ops, tons of sports teams, tons of extracurriculars like art classes, music classes, Almost anything imaginable, field trips. There's tons and tons
Erin [00:04:07]:
of- Internships, all kinds of things. So I think what we should talk about then is the whole concern of socialization. I feel like is more an issue with connection. And when we talk about, you know, socializing, your kids' social skills are going to come from you, right? Because as their 1st teacher, what are we doing? You know, say please, when someone is, when you're asking for something, say thank you, if someone does something kind for you, ask
Joe [00:04:39]:
and They've learned to talk from you, didn't
Erin [00:04:41]:
they? Right. You taught them the, the skill of language.
Joe [00:04:44]:
Right. It's the family environment, the family culture, just being around family. Your baby less than 1 year old or or into the between 12 started to talk. And why was
Erin [00:04:56]:
that? Because you were talking to them, not because they were talking to their peers. And I think that that's something that when we talk about the concern about, well, they're not with their peers all day at public or private school or wherever they're in a big group. Well, honestly, I wouldn't want my kids learning their social skills from their
Joe [00:05:13]:
peers.
Erin [00:05:14]:
No. And that's what we see a lot of issue with and why schools sometimes get a bad rap is because of bullying and other
Joe [00:05:21]:
issues. Right. I think that's something that we really need to make a point about it's because it's really critical is, would you rather have your children learn social skills, the ability to be in relationships and connect with others from you and your family or from, like you said, just their peers, people that are, their peers are still obviously about their age or so very much learning to me. It's kind of like the blind leading the blind a little bit. Mhmm. Now it's not that there is there are no advantages To being with your peers, absolutely, there is. We'll get to that, but as far as learning the real skill, what connecting should look like, I would hope would come from the parents from, mature Adults in their life, maybe other family members or older siblings. Agree?
Erin [00:06:13]:
Right. Yeah. I think that's where I was going with that was when you have a group of kids, I mean, you look at even just reading the Lord of the Flies as a high schooler. You know, they are all together on this island, and it just kind of evolves into madness. And that's, I think, where, you know, there needs to be solid, teaching. And as Christian parents that where the kids modeling at home, they're modeling from the parents. And hopefully as parents that are professing biblical faith, that is coming from a biblical perspective. How do you view other
Joe [00:06:49]:
people? Right. And as kind of an example, Would you want your 1 to 2 year old, learning potty training from another 1 to 2 year old? I mean, or, or, or, right. Or, or reading or cleaning any skill, anything, would you want them learning that from Their same age group as they get older. Probably not. That's if if you picture it, that's hilarious. That bathroom would be a disaster.
Erin [00:07:19]:
So I kind of liken it to, like, you're learning the social skills from the parents. The adults are teaching that, and then you practice with your peers, it's not a, you're learning from your peers. So when there's this big concern about, you know, socialization in a peer setting, I think the real concern for people, if you really wanted to get deeper into it, is, are your kids going to be able to connect with peers? Well, I would say if they can connect appropriately with other adults and and people in their lives, and we hear that as homeschoolers a lot, you go in public and it's people are shocked. Adults, older people, older generations are just shocked at how well our children and other children that have been homeschooled can communicate overall with people that are much older or different demographic or background. The level of respect is there and, and that's coming from parents. That's not coming from peers.
Joe [00:08:15]:
Right.
Erin [00:08:16]:
So, you know, and I will say this too, having children, you know, that have different needs or special needs is for socialization. It seems to get this wrap of like, it needs to have its own place as almost, I don't wanna say curriculum, but a topic of study while you're not going to, unless there's an issue or, developmental problem that your child's having, honestly, you're really not gonna be focusing on socialization as a subject or teaching it. It's more caught than taught.
Joe [00:08:47]:
Right. It's a byproduct, of your family culture, of All the interaction that you're doing throughout the day, not just with parents, but with other siblings, maybe in co ops or other things like that.
Erin [00:09:01]:
Right. So I think the biggest thing we wanna communicate is that sometimes this topic, you know, it can make you second guess yourself. Am I doing enough? Am I getting my kids around their peers enough? And, you know, that isn't a bad thing to think through, but ultimately we want to encourage you as homeschool parents or those who are just starting out or considering home education as an option, that if you have a healthy family culture in, especially coming from a biblical perspective, if you have a right view of who God is and who he created and the, the love that he has for all of his people, and you're transmitting that to your children through the reading of the word together, maybe through, activities with youth groups and things like that, and getting around the peers through co ops and all those other things, you're gonna have plenty of opportunity to practice those social skills that you've been modeling as a parent. And, and so that's, that's a good thing. That's encouraging. There's not anything that we really need to be concerned about, unless, like I said, that your child may have a disability or something that they're maybe not reading facial cues or social cues. And then there are classes and different therapies that they can take for that. But 9 times out of 10, and that's just a made up statistic, you're going to be just fine, you
Joe [00:10:22]:
know? Right. I think the point you're trying to make is that that's That's more rare. That's not common. That shouldn't be, a common fear that most folks have if their child doesn't have, you know, legitimate developmental issues.
Erin [00:10:39]:
And I mean, we can talk to we have more than 1 child, you know, the sibling relationships are so important. And as I've seen my kids growing up being homeschooled, and we have kind of a different perspective too. We adopted out of birth order. So having an older child come into our home and then other children that we didn't adopt, just that we were fostering, seeing the relational things that happen between children in a, that are living in the same home and how we handle conflict resolution, how we handle sharing and, appropriately talking to other people and interacting, those are all skills. I mean, if you, if you have more than 1 child, your child is already exposed to peers, and, and their generation. And we can lean into that. We don't have to put so much pressure to seek out socialization when that's something that we're already doing in our family culture. And especially as Christians, we're not going to be burying ourselves in under, you know, a rock because we're, we're called to be out there loving the world.
Erin [00:11:42]:
And we're gonna be modeling that hopefully for our, our kids as we're teaching
Joe [00:11:49]:
them. Right. So then how do you address, that question to you about your homeschool, about your
Erin [00:11:57]:
children? You know, honestly, I haven't personally had to deal with too many people asking about socialization. And when they have brought it up, I just kind of point out how, when in society, do we ever sit in a room all day long with people that are our same age in real life, you know, other than a school or jail setting? So that kind of like makes them pause and, you know, try to decide, I guess, if I'm being rude or if I'm asking a real question.
Joe [00:12:26]:
Right, not just sitting in the same room, but made to be quiet for the majority of that time. We talk to some kids or their families and that public school or maybe have moved from public school to homeschool and just the realization that, Wow. The only time that they've really got to talk much was maybe before and after school a little bit.
Erin [00:12:49]:
In between classes and maybe at lunch for
Joe [00:12:51]:
a short Then you're rushing To the next class.
Erin [00:12:54]:
Mhmm. Well, our own daughter actually told us because she was public school through 6th grade, that she had more friends homeschooling, and she never did.
Joe [00:13:03]:
Social butterfly. Mhmm. I mean, describe her a
Erin [00:13:06]:
little bit. I mean,
Joe [00:13:06]:
she was very extroverted.
Erin [00:13:08]:
Social, very extroverted, wanted to be in everything, go to every camp, be in any kind of activity, of her youth group. She could be a part of anything that was happening outside of the home. We tried to accommodate as much as our budget and time allowance gave, but, that's just her, you know, and for her to say that was really exciting for me as her mom, that she was having success in having friends and people she was connecting with. But it also kind of spoke to that same thing of like most of our social interaction. You know, I was always told because I was a talker in school shocker to stop talking and that the school wasn't for socializing it.
Joe [00:13:46]:
Yes.
Erin [00:13:47]:
You know, do that after school or after class or whatever, and I was the one getting moved and having to sit by the teacher because I was just chatty Cathy, I guess. Right. So, you know, when you come across people that are asking about socialization, I think the first thing to remember is don't assume the worst. You know, don't assume that they're out to get you or that they have a negative you. It could just be seriously a question of ignorance, they really don't know how
Joe [00:14:12]:
Or concern like yourself.
Erin [00:14:13]:
Concern. Yeah. It could be ignorance and concern and not, like, in a demeaning way, but just to not blow them off, you know, just to say, yeah, that's a legit concern that I had too until I understood what is socialization and, you know, pointing out to them the ways that your children are connected. I mean, not that you have to validate your decisions to anybody else, because what you choose for your family is your right as their parent. Yeah. But to maintain relationships, sometimes we do kind of have to meet someone where they're at, and if they're concerned, address the concern and move on. It doesn't have to become an argument. It can be a short one liner of, you know what, they're doing fine socially.
Erin [00:14:52]:
I find too, and not everybody does this, but on social media, we we sometimes post pictures of the field trips or the things that we're doing. And, that helps people to see, oh, they're not just sitting under a rock all day. You know, they're out exploring the world and they get that opportunity during school hours. You know, we're out downtown looking at, beautiful art or exploring the city and getting to talk with people of all different cultures. Yeah. So to kind of recap and close-up, socialization is nothing to be afraid of if you're homeschooling, especially if you're new, you will find connections. And I think that that's at the heart of it. Socializing is going to be a byproduct of the connections that you're making.
Erin [00:15:37]:
And then also if you, you know, are finding that maybe you are concerned because your kids aren't connecting, there's usually a Facebook group or some sort of local homeschool friendly place that you can connect that will have options. And maybe you sign your kid up for a class. Maybe it's, you know, you're at church and you have a connection there. Or sometimes you just have to create it yourself. Hey, my kid's really into butterflies. So we're gonna start a butterfly club, or maybe they're really into Rubik's cubing. And so maybe you have a cubing club or maybe you are really a film buff, and your kid really likes film your high schooler, and so maybe you read the book and watch the movie and you create that.
Joe [00:16:21]:
Right. And I think that's something really important is that we kinda touched on it that this doesn't have to be its own curriculum, its own class, its own topic that's Segregated. Right. It's connected with everything else. So don't put the pressure on yourself if those things you can't find those things In the community and you have to create them, or there's not something that's like a speech class or something devoted to social skills. Just put them in something and it's a byproduct. Get them in some kind of class, some kind of co op, some kind of sport, Or create those things and they can be casual. A hiking group is excellent.
Joe [00:17:00]:
You're on the trail, these kids get to be flying all over the place, talking, laughing, throwing rocks, climbing, all that stuff, and those conversations, I guarantee they come out. Mhmm.
Erin [00:17:14]:
So let's throw a little bonus topic in here on socialization, because I know as a homeschool mom and you as a homeschool dad, sometimes feel a lack of our own friendships. And especially as you're just starting out and you haven't made those connections, I just really wanna encourage you that if there's a local support group around, join that and maybe you go and no one talks to you the 1st couple of times, but, you know, I used to lead a local support group. And one of the things that I told the members that would say, well, I don't feel connected is, well, who did you connect with? Because you don't know that maybe that person sitting next to you, it's maybe their 1st meeting too. And sometimes that was the problem was that people weren't ready to reach out themselves, that they were expecting other people to fill that void for them.
Joe [00:18:00]:
I totally agree. I think what I have seen a pattern in, homeschool families is that, we are a lot of times pretty individualist. We have different ways of looking at things. We're kind of out of the norm. We we don't have an issue being And kind of an outsider, and sometimes what that looks like is a lot of introverts. Mhmm. So I think I would like to encourage people that are quieter, more, you know, maybe withdrawn just naturally nothing wrong with that is that you're gonna have to kinda push yourself, I think, to make those connections. Mhmm.
Joe [00:18:38]:
And it's probably gonna be a little uncomfortable at first, but I guarantee I saw it with you. It totally worked out hugely in our favor when you pushed yourself to go to those things, Make sure you were connecting despite what if anyone came up to you, you would make that effort.
Erin [00:18:56]:
Right. So when we first started homeschooling, for those who don't know our story a little bit. I knew 1 family that was homeschooling and they were moving out of state. And so the mom was like, hey, why don't you joined the support group over here. I was a part of it. It's really great. Lots of great women. So I went.
Erin [00:19:11]:
I didn't know anybody there. No friends, no idea what homeschooling would look like other than I just wanted to do it. So after going to the meetings, you know, they would structure it where they had a 1 on 1 class or a 4 zero one or whatever, you know, information, and then they would have like the member's part of the meeting. And so as a new homeschooler, it was great to hear from the veteran homeschool moms. So maybe it isn't even like that you have to go into a huge social setting, but if you even know 1 mom who's been doing this even 1 minute longer than you, reach out to that mom and say, hey. I have some questions about this. Would you be willing to take a few minutes or have coffee or I can buy you a coffee or come over to my house or whatever is most convenient for you to just connect and ask these questions. And I guarantee you that mom is well, hopefully, I think she'll make that time.
Erin [00:19:58]:
That's been my experiences that anytime I've asked someone for advice or for some sort of help or mentoring, they're more than willing to help because they're passionate about homeschooling too, and they wanna see you succeed just as much as this they've had success. And, so it doesn't always have to be that you're throwing yourself out there to the ether of moms in a group or the Internet, it can literally be, or maybe there's someone at your church or in your local community or your art class that you can make that 1 on 1 connection with.
Joe [00:20:28]:
Yep. So what I hear you saying is that focus on community, and that's gonna help With connection, with relationships, and ultimately, socialization.
Erin [00:20:38]:
Right. So as a homeschool dad, how did you make connections?
Joe [00:20:42]:
Through
Erin [00:20:44]:
you. So, yeah.
Joe [00:20:47]:
I mean, actually, yeah, quite a bit of my friendships have come from You getting together with or getting to know other homeschool moms.
Erin [00:20:57]:
Mhmm. And doing things as a family, like the hiking. Again, we go back to that outdoors. That's typically something that speaks to guys. And, you know, it is not super athletic that you have to be, you just can walk and go at whatever pace you're gonna go. And usually we've got little ones on toes, so we're going slow and stopping a lot. So there's plenty of time to talk and, and yeah, maybe it is something where you create a group or something that meets on weekends or in the evenings so that dads can be a participant as well, that's something that we've done. We, actually, for a couple of years, had, or not years, months, we did something called secret science club, and we met on Saturdays with a handful of families and we just did science and the dads came and did rockets and talked about engineering and did the messy stuff.
Erin [00:21:47]:
And it was so much fun and wonderful to see the connection that the kids had with the dads being there. It just added a dynamic that was awesome. And those are people we're still friends with and hang out with today. And that was years ago, 6, 7 years
Joe [00:22:04]:
ago. Yep. Yeah. That was the gateway.
Erin [00:22:07]:
Right. So if you are listening and hopefully feeling hopeful that you can homeschool and socialize your children well, because it's actually a nonissue, or if you have questions, just let us know. You can email us at info@showmehomeschool.com, and we appreciate you listening.
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